Drunk for Thirty Years
Posted: Thursday, January 28, 2010
by Jack H. Schick
I feel pretty good most days. I've lost a substantial amount of weight. My blood pressure has improved. My joints don't ache as much as they used to. I'm more productive lately, and what I produce is of a higher quality. I look forward to the future. I anticipate a long, enjoyable retirement. This is all new and exciting for me. I am a recovering alcoholic who could not be more enthusiastic about his new life.
I frequently look back over the decades, though. I rue many of the memories. I see the wasted time and money. I relive the embarrassing events. I see the distorted relationships I have with my family and can only blame myself. I shudder at the thought of things that were lost, of things that could have been. I curse my addiction. But, nothing can change what I've done. I can only 'forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements in the future'.
All I can do is try to clear the wreckage I left in my path. I can try to make amends to the people I've hurt. If they cannot accept the apologies, I can try again, or move on. I was selfish while drinking, but sometimes, achieving lasting sobriety requires selfishness too. I must do what is required to remain sober. I cannot allow regrets or failures to interfere. I must learn to accept what I have done, and now do the things that I must to stay free.
How can I tell my stories or relate my experiences without prefacing each by saying "I was hung-over"? How can I conclude any tale without admitting, "Then I got drunk"? How can I exclude from the reminiscences of my life something that played such a large role? I can debate the 'why'. I can review the 'how'. I can dwell in the memory of misery and pain. Or, I can admit my illness and do all I can do to stay well.
It is an affliction suffered by many. Those like me who are recovering, I love you. Those who still suffer, I love you more. You are not alone. There is a solution, but it requires an honest admission. In almost every town on almost every day there are those who gather to help each other stay sane. You need not quit drinking forever. You need only to stop for today.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hopeful and revealing; many thanks! Paulthanks for reading and commenting, Paul
This is a good article Jack. Although I've never had a drinking problem, thank God, I have known quite a few people who have, some of them in my own family. A few of these people have, like you, recovered and gone on to better lives, some continue to destroy their lives with alcohol or drugs- some of them have died from the effects of their addiction. I'm happy for you- that you have won the battle- although I know it's an ongoing fight. Thanks for your article. Always- EllaThanks, Ella (my granddaughter's name, too). One day at a time, baby.You may want to look in Q&A for Carol Fernandez's question about what our names mean. Look for my comment on my name- and her response.
Very well written article. I hope all who are inflicted with this addiction can find a way to admit their illness. Growing up with an acolohlic and watching my brother walk in his footsteps is hard. Maybe, I will suggest he reads this article, thank you.thanks for reading- good luck with your brother- (did I write this before?) I must ahve forgotten to save it. I must still have 'wet brain'No- You just had deja Vu. An impression from the past. We have these from time to time- they are indications that we are on the track of our destiny.
This was a totally fantastic read! I enjoy a drink but not this much. Guess I am lucky too.enjoying and being alcoholic are a lot different. thanks for reading
Well written article, and very heartfelt. All a human being can do is learn from his/her mistakes, forgive yourself and move on.
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