Another Car Crash
Posted: Thursday, February 11, 2010
by Jack H. Schick
I experienced a severe panic attack the other day. It occurred on my before dawn drive to work during the February Fury, as the weather people call our latest snow storm here in S.E. PA. It was the first time something like that happened to me, so I did a lot of thinking about it. As I'm noted for, I played psychoanalyst with myself and tried to draw analogies and relate it to "bigger themes".
I lived in Wyoming for over a decade and drove thousands of miles in winter conditions. I was proud of my driving skills in snow and ice. I cursed the 'snow idiots' I encountered so frequently in PA. A little bit of a skid here and there didn't bother me. I was in control. You've just got to know how to drive in this stuff, I professed. Arrogance never pays off though, I discovered.
The day of the accident, I have to admit, I was probably driving too fast for conditions. There was about an inch of wet snow on the roads. When I hit the bridge over the Susquehanna at McElhatten I lost it. The rear end slid to the right. I frantically compensated. It slid to the left, then to the right again. At that speed there was no hope of saving it. I totally lost control.
I can't accurately describe the emotions I suffered in those seconds. At first I felt sheer panic and hopelessness, not really fear. When the vehicle began to spin around I felt desperation and resignation. As I was sliding backwards, then continued on around, I simply waited for the impact. I wasn't thinking about getting hurt. I was concerned about the damage I was going to do to the vehicle. I was actually calm. I thought.
I hit the center cement barrier with the driver's side headlight area. There was a tremendous "bang". Metal crumpled, plastic flew. The air bags exploded. I continued to spin around and impacted again on the passenger side tail light area. I remember thinking to myself "Not more damage!" I came to rest diagonally across the passing lane. The acrid smoke from the air bags burned my eyes and nose. I thought it might be on fire so I quickly got out of the vehicle. It wasn't until later, during that self-psychoanalysis, that I realized it was not just the vehicle that suffered damaged.
I felt like I was fine and in control of myself. I gave a 'thumbs up' to the first driver who stopped indicating I was okay. I did notice that I was having a little trouble understanding what she was saying. It finally occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't be walking around in the middle of the highway in blizzard conditions. I got back in and remembered Riley. He was in the back on top the ice chests and gun cases. He seemed okay. The horn kept going off. I pulled a wire loose under the air bag and it stopped. The smoke scared me again so I got out and closed the door. I opened it again so Riley could get out if there was a fire. I got back in. Then got out again. A person appeared behind me having parked 100 yrds up the road off the bridge and walking back to me. It seemed like seconds since the impact, but it had to have been minutes. The police arrived. The tow truck arrived. The police left. The tow truck left with me riding in it. It seemed like a few minutes had passed since the crash. We arrived at the salvage yard, and I finally started to come around. I'd obviously been in shock. Time and memory was distorted.
Over the next week or two I realized that I had been damaged as badly as my vehicle, psychologically. I found that as I tried to go to sleep I would repeatedly relive the moment of impact. I'd get tense and up-set. I'd never experienced that before. The fact that I could not suppress the sensations bothered me. I even got angry about it. I was unable to control my panic about not being in control during and after the accident. I got into one of my vicious circles of analysis. People scolded me about it. "You were in a car accident, for God's sake, of course you're going to have some nightmares about it," they said. I figured I'd get over it sooner or later.
The other day was the first time I had to drive the Cherokee in bad snow conditions since the crash. I'd always been the guy aggressively plowing ahead. I'd been the guy passing the white knuckled 'snow idiot' who was driving 15mph. Not his time. I was in a panic most of the way. A few times I was sure I felt the vehicle start to slide, like when I lost it on that bridge. I can't be sure it really did. I may have imagined it, but I panicked. My hands hurt I was gripping the wheel so tight. My blood pressure was up. My teeth were clenched. By the time I got to work I was so nervous I could hardly read the overnight log books. I submitted for personal time and went home early before the storm got worse.
I was embarrassed about it. I sat at home watching the snow pile up and pondered the situation. I decided that I'd simply discovered the real truth. My aggressiveness and self confidence in bad weather conditions had been due to an incorrect perception of reality. When I finally saw that, it scared me. It scared me worse than it maybe should have because it was a new point of view so totally different from the one I'd held. There was great danger there. I panicked behind the wheel that morning because I had recently been shown the truth, abruptly, running head first into a cement wall.
In the way I usually do, I extrapolated it out to explain my views and feelings about the world. Until now I, like so many Americans, and the Government itself, aggressively charged ahead. The truth I had been seeing was not valid. There was actually danger that I couldn't or wouldn't admit. I was not invincible. Upward was not always the trend. I squandered money. I ran up debt. Visions of grandeur danced in my head. I was going "too fast for conditions" until my life, my savings, my way of life spun out of control.
I see a new truth now and I'm worried and scared. As I read the newspapers, watch my finances, listen to the pundits and politicians, I frequently get a feeling of panic. I think I sense us starting to fishtail and slide. I think we're headed for another car crash. I'm afraid we might run into the wall again, and this time the dog and I will get hurt, and the vehicle will be totally destroyed.
This Article has been viewed 1,084 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsIts really a big thing for such an occurence to occur and its truly a life changing event!It's an analogy, right?
Hi Jack its great news you live to tell the tale. If possible I will avoid driving in such conditions purely because of what you experienced. Thanks for sharing your storyStay safeKacyThanks for reading and commenting
It is very interesting how our dark moments can make us stop and take a look at our lives. I think we learn more from these dark moments than we do our good moments and rather than try to get rid of them we should embrace them and learn. I felt your pain and wish you well and I enjoyed the article. Thank you for sharing.
Your article is truly Inspiring. I feel like I should also share one of such incidents in my upcoming articles. good work Jack.
jack,It very interesting how you described, few years ago I thought the same way, till I have my accident and until this day, I do not like to think about it. Many things run through you mind in just few second.Thanks for this article well writtenThanks for reading and commenting
Jack, thanks G-d you didn't go over the edge! I really hate the snow idiots here in MD as well.Thanks for reading and commenting
Great article on the nations driving habits and this nation itself. Yes at times I feel like I am out of control. I have driven cross country in a semi and I can remember the first time I looked in the mirror and saw the side of my truck. Out of control is a understatement. Thanks for the memory!thanks for reading and commenting
I was just seconds away from a crash about a year ago. A passenger in the vehicle that would have slammed into me died. I think about that often. My wife had a dream about it the day before it happened. The dream was very similar to what actually happened. I wonder about how my life would have changed if that SUV would have slammed into my vehicle that day.Thanks for reading and commenting, Kevin
You must not be over confident on how lucky you are to be out of those situations,just be always cautious and careful at all times.
This was a tough read Jack because the realism, emotions and feelings are all there. Even the second guessing and hindsight. Thank goodness you were not hurt seriously in a physical sense. Psychologically it takes a little while to get over this sort of thing, especially one it sets in how it could have gone - this could have cost your life. By now I have your nightmares are a thing of the past. The rest of it - we'll just have to ride it out.I got over it eventually. Thanks for reading and commenting
More comments
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.