An American Commuter
Posted: Friday, March 19, 2010
by Jack H. Schick
They changed the time again. They had us spring forward. (that's how I remember what to do. I spring forward in the spring, which makes sense; and, I fall back in the autumn, which doesn't). I didn't forget this year. I didn't end up tuning in late for my Sunday TV shows and I got to work on time Monday, unlike the past few years. It evens out, though. I was an hour early for work in October. It was a real struggle, but I managed to stay awake until 2:00am Saturday night to change the clocks. You'd think they'd pick a better time to do it.
My drive to work is complicated. I use, basically, just three roads. Unfortunately I'm headed toward the City the whole time. It gets worse and worse as you go. I have to contend with five stop signs and 40 traffic lights in those 27.4 miles (it used to be 38 lights, but they put up a new shopping plaza and we got two more. I've vowed to never shop there, for the inconvenience). On the one long stretch of my route I've figured out that if I drive 54 miles an hour I only get stuck at three or four red lights. The problem is, the speed limit is 45. A buddy who drives the same route claims that you can hit just those same lights if you drive 74; but, I'm not as brave as he is and my car shakes and makes funny noises at that speed.
There is one by-pass where there are no lights at all. It's only about four miles, but that's where I run into most of my problems. My wife claims I'm responsible for some of it, but I only tail-gate somebody if I'm running a little late. I don't get right up on their bumper. I stay back far enough that, at night, my headlights shine in their mirrors, or during the day, they can see me mouthing "Get out of the way!" and shaking my fist. My one headlight is askew and shines up in the air a little. It gets me a high beam flash from oncoming motorist a lot, but it's perfect for getting people to change lanes. If I stay about a car length back it shines right on the back of their head. I only change lanes without using my turn signal when I'm pretty sure they can guess what I'm going to do. They are right about those mirrors, though. Objects are a lot closer than they appear, but that's why cars have horns.
This morning I encountered two of the kinds of drivers I hate most. They infuriate me more than you can imagine. I pulled onto the by-pass from a ramp. It takes a mile or so for my car to get up to speed (it has something to do with that "service engine soon" light that's been on since Christmas). A car came zooming up behind me and eased over into the passing lane. The guy slowed down and sat there with his headlights blaring in my side view mirror. I was trying to change the radio station and having a swig of coffee at that moment, so I might have had part of one wheel on the center line, but I quickly swerved back into my own lane. Next, he pulled up into my blind spot and just sat there. Then he eased up next to me and sat along side staring over at me. I glared back. I've been known to flip them "the bird" at that point, but I was having another swig of coffee and, with that shimmy in my front end, I have to keep one hand on the wheel at all times. Suddenly, he sped up and pulled away. That really bugs me.
I encountered my other most-hated-driver this morning, too. I finally got up to speed. There is a narrow window where the car runs good and the front end doesn't shake yet, right about 61 1/2 mph. I usually ride in the passing lane because I make a left turn about 10 miles down. I came cruising up on a guy dawdling along at the speed limit. As I approached he started to speed up. I had to start accelerating to complete my pass (sometimes that makes my oil light come on). By the time I got next to him he was going almost 20 mph faster. This time I did flip him "the bird," but just for a second. I have to have both hands on the wheel at that speed to keep it going straight. As soon as I got past him, he slowed way back down. His head lights quickly faded behind. That really makes me mad, too. It's dangerous, for both of us, to get me going that fast. People like that should use cruise controls.
If I'm lucky, and the taxes don't rise (like "the creek don't rise," get it?), I've only got a half dozen more years or so to be a commuter. It's a horrific experience every day. I'll probably feel better about it when it's light out in the morning and I can watch the scenery go by. I won't have to focus so much on paying attention to the road and other drivers. I guess I should be happy I have a job, but I sure wish I worked closer to home. It would be a lot safer, I think.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Very funny!!Thanks, I hoped it would be
hi jack,this article had everything in it-fun, sarcasm, truth, and to incorporate all of that, it's brilliant.i felt like i was inside the story, listening to you talk.thanks for sharing,my best regards,sue thomThanks for the wonderful comments.
Why anyone would stay up until 2 AM to change the clocks is beyond me. I guess the same kind of person that thinks reading about his commute would be interesting. The commutes of most of us are frustrating, tiring, boring, and at times scary. This must have been written in jest. If not, this author is one of commuters' worst problems.Read Susan Thom's comment and maybe you'll get it.As my teenagers would say, "Lighten up, Dude!"who, me? sorry. I thought it was a funny one. I guess he didn'tOh gosh, no! Not you, Jack! I meant Anon. You ARE the funny one.
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