I Yelled At My Mom
Posted: Tuesday, August 30, 2011
by Jack H. Schick
When she got real old, my great-grandmother moved into my grandmother’s house. My grandfather was already dead so there was extra room there. To me, as just a kid, she didn’t seem to be much trouble. She just sat in a chair up in the spare bedroom. She hardly ever said anything. Half the times I visited she hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet. I was surprised to hear my grandmother complain about her a lot. After all, it was her mother. I even heard her yell at her a couple of times. One day, they told me she was dead, and that was the end of that.
My other grandmother actually did drop dead, but she lived with my aunt for a long time first. She lived with us for a little while, too, but she didn’t like kids (my brother and I were kids). Everybody complained about her a lot. They shipped her back and forth between her kids’ houses, until my aunt finally took her for good. They found her on the floor in a spare bedroom upstairs. I think my aunt was actually happy.
My father keeled over then died at the hospital a few days later. My mom didn’t. She persisted for quite some time. She lived with me for a few years before she had to go to the nursing home. I complained about her a lot. I even yelled at her a few times. Even when she went to the home, I complained about her; about how much money it was costing. They called me at work one morning to tell me she was dead. I felt guilty about yelling at her like that. After all, she was my mother.
When I read about Jacqueline V. Small I felt a little bit better. I'd only yelled at my mom. Small was a residential “caregiver” at Arden Courts assisted living facility in Lower Makefield, PA. She was alone with an 87 year old patient at about 5:30 one morning when the woman got hurt. The family complained and the place did an investigation. Then they contacted the police.
Deputy district attorney David Zellis said that Small told the police she was trying to change the woman out of wet cloths when she began to struggle. Small claimed that the woman’s nose started to bleed by itself. She speculated that the patient had injured herself while she was struggling. Zellis produced photographs that show the victim’s nose bruised and both of her eyes red and swollen. “Clearly, she was hit in the face,” Zellis said.
An assault charge was filed. Small pleaded innocent. The case was set for trial but new information came out at a pretrial hearing. Bucks County Judge Wallace Bateman gave the prosecution permission to tell jurors about a similar incident Small was involved in at a different elderly care facility. About ten years ago, Small was working at Lacy Gardens in Bristol, PA, when she was accused of hurting an 85 year old patient. The woman suffered facial injuries, too. There wasn’t enough evidence in the previous case to file charges, but the incident was similar enough for Judge Bateman to allow it as evidence of a prior “bad act.”
Jacqueline Small suddenly changed her mind. Zellis said, “When confronted with that information [that the previous incident was admissible], the defendant decided to plead guilty.” Judge Bateman sentenced Small to serve two years probation and banned her from ever working in any job that requires her to care for older adults. Zellis added that the victim in this case suffered only minor injuries in the assault, and was not hospitalized. “We’re very fortunate in that regard because she’s a defenseless person who relies upon others for all her personal care,” he said.
I know that my mom wanted to punch me in the face a lot of times over the years, and, I have to admit, toward the end, I felt like punching her a few times —but we didn’t do it. I remember a lot of things about my mom, of course; and I still feel a little guilty about yelling at her. I remember my grandmother and I remember my great-grandmother, too. I also remember all the complaining about them when they got old and I feel a little sad.
I talked to my daughter the other day. I made her promise (for what it's worth), to take care of her mother, no matter what; and to not complain too much about it. In exchange, I promised (for what it's worth), that I’d try real hard to just drop dead.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Wow. Growing old isn't pretty if you hang around too long. There's a lot of honesty in your writing. Both my parents died without expectation - my father in his sleep, my mother dropped where she stood. I plan to go the same way.
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