My Christmas Eve Lottery
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011
by Jack H. Schick
Since my wife was laid off a couple of years ago, money’s been tight around here. On top of the income loss, gasoline has gone up almost $2.00 a gallon since then, fuel oil has gone up a buck a gallon just since last year, propane went up 50% and now the electric bill is up 40% too. Due to the state and local debt problem, real estate and school taxes have gone up almost 20% since she’s been laid off; so have the TV, telephone, and grocery store. Now it’s the holiday season and we’ve got to go out and buy stuff for everybody. I’m depressed.
I felt lucky. I had to keep telling myself that there was probably no chance I was going to win, but in the back of my head, I wondered. I just had that feeling this time. I’ve bought a lot of lottery tickets over the years and never won more than seven dollars. It’s about time I hit the big one. My wife says it’s nuts, that I might as well throw a five dollar bill out the window, but, as they say, “you can’t win if you don’t play.”
I stuck the lottery ticket in the glove box and stopped by the Borough Hall to drop off the sewer and water bill. The toilet in the back bathroom had a bad handle and kept running till I noticed it and got around to fixing it, so the water bill was a lot bigger this month. To make up for it I told her to stop letting the water run when she’s doing the dishes and to time her showers. I know it’s kind of disgusting, but we don’t necessarily flush every time, if it’s a ‘number one.’ You gotta do what you can do.
I have a long drive to work—I know, I know, I should be happy I have a job, yeah, yeah, yeah….I daydream most of the way. I thought: “$109 million, about $60 million if I take it lump sum, about $35 million after taxes. Gees, that’s a rip off! Okay, $35 million times ten percent, that’s $3.5 million for charity (or do I have to calculate using the $60 million…or the $109 million). I’ll stick with the $3.5 million. I went through the list of charities I’d give money to (I talk to myself a lot when I’m driving--out loud. Sometimes I’ll look over and see somebody staring at me).
Okay, that leaves $31.5 million. I’d give a million to each kid, but if I didn’t want them to pay taxes out of it, it would amount to probably about a million and a half to each. I’d have to talk to my accountant about that. Then there’s the grand daughter. That’s another million and a half. I figured, to pay off my debts, fix up the house and party a little, that’s another million and a half for me. So, I’m down to $24 million.
There are a couple of nice properties I’ve always said I’d buy if I won the lottery, no matter what they cost. By the time that was over I’d be down to about $15 million. Of course then there’d be the new cars, the vacations and hunting trips, but that would be chicken feed. I’d give what’s left, it ought to be at least $12 million, to my son-in-law to invest for me and I’d be fine for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t care what gasoline or fuel oil cost. I wouldn’t care if they built a new gym with a swimming pool at the school. I wouldn’t even care if the congressmen gave themselves a raise and a new pension plan.
Before I knew it I was at work. I had to bust my butt. It was the last couple of days before a long holiday weekend so I had to make sure all the loose ends were tied up. I’m always short staffed at the end of the year. All the way home I thought about what I was going to do with my lottery winnings again. I forgot about my brother and my wife’s sister. We’d give them something too. We’d still have enough left over, though.
I over slept a little. I couldn’t get to sleep worrying about car repairs. I had to put almost a grand into my wife’s car for inspection. We have to drive down to Virginia to my daughter’s for Christmas and hers is the only car I trust to make the trip. To save money on the kennel, we’re going to have to jam the two dogs into the back seat of the Mustang and hope there are no fights. On top of that, I told my wife to use the credit card for the Christmas presents, but she was worried because we’re close to our limit. She used the debit card instead, forgetting about the car repairs. I got the overdraft notice in the mail.
I had to rush off to work so I didn’t have time to read the paper. I didn’t know how much I’d won, yet. I needed gasoline, so I stopped at the mini-mart. After putting another fifty bucks on the credit card, I took my lottery ticket in. I was excited. It was my turn, I knew it.
The guy put the ticket in the scanner then said, “Nope. Not a winner.” I was dumbfounded. It seems that out of all those numbers I only had two of them, and they weren’t even in the same row.
I had a couple of ones in my wallet and a bunch of change in the cup holder out in the car. I rooted around under the floor mats and found another dime and a nickel so I had exactly $4. I went back in and told the guy, “Give me four more lottery tickets, and make them winners this time. I’ll take you out to dinner if you do.” He laughed, but got a grouchy look on his face when I handed him a fist full of coins.
Nobody won the big one Wednesday. Saturday’s drawing should be worth about $150 million. That’s about $80 million if I take it lump sum and maybe about $50 million after taxes. My oil light came on. I had to stop and add some. I was a few minutes late for work, but my boss was in a good mood because of the holidays. I’m feeling pretty good myself.... I’ll give a million to each kid, well, a million and a half so they’re still millionaires after they pay taxes. I can’t forget my brother and my sister-in-law, and charity, of course….
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)ROFL...you are so funny, and remember Publishers Clearing House is a scam. I like the SC lottery, as I can go down there and see the schools being built by those who buy lottery tickets. We have a lottery too, but I don't think the schools are getting the money promised, as I don't see many new ones being built here.Thanks for always reading and commenting. It's not funny. I'm broke! I've tried to make a broader statement, thoughI laughed because you have a way of bringing out the funny of any situation in your writing, and your broader statement is clear "there are no pie in the sky' solutions to life. God said he would "meet our needs according to his riches in Glory..." but he never said anything about our wants.
I will pray for you to get a new car somehow, and your wife has two more months of extended benefits according to yesterday's news. I speak a special blessing over your home....Merry Christmas. God loves you, and money is just paper, what you need will be there at the right time.....I really like your approach to writing. You should enter some of those writing contests at WritersDigest website.We're fine. Of course my stories are exagerated and there is much 'poetic license' used. I didn't mean to be too serious in my last coment...friend. Good grief! I have two houses and 4 cars. Mutual funds, two retirement accounts. I know I'm fine. The idea for the storyjust struck me and I knocked it out in 45 minutes at lunch today. I got to whine about the government, taxes. Whine about my vehicle,and make a statment about the gambling lust, the idea that you dont have to work for riches, etc.
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