Resolution Broken Already
Posted: Tuesday, January 03, 2012
by Jack H. Schick
Well, it’s January 2ndand I’ve broken my resolution for the New Year already. That’s my typical practice, but usually it lasts at least a few days. As I stated in a previous muse, I don’t make resolutions: because I get depressed when I break them, because I don’t like the idea of having a special, magical day to have to make life changing decisions, and because I never know what to be resolute about anyway. So, lately, my New Year’s resolution has been to make no resolutions.
It was the same way as a kid. I was eager to please the teacher. I was not very successful in a lot of cases, but that was the driving factor. I wasn’t there to get educated. That was just the side effect. I was there to solicit accolades. When the teachers liked me, I felt responsible to do what I was asked to do. If they disliked me, I felt responsible, to them, not to me, to improve my performance. As self centered as I was in those days (and still am), it’s kind of odd that the betterment of me played no role in my motivation. It was what others felt and thought about me, which made me resolute.
As an adult I acquired responsibility to my family. Normally, people live their lives especially motivated by their children. It’s a natural biologic and social law. When the children grew and left, I still needed someone to be responsible to, though. I’d grown out of Santa Claus. I seriously wondered if God was watching my every move and hearing my every thought. Consequently I became rather self destructive. I didn’t do things I should have and did a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I ate and drank too much. I wasted time. There was nobody to be responsible to.
I found that a resolution made to myself to lose weight, or to drink less, or to quit simply didn’t work. There was the addiction monkey, of course, but there was no one else watching, no one to be responsible to except me, and I was irresponsible. I can’t count the number of New Year’s Days I resolved to never drink again, but did a day later; how many times I was going to get into physical shape, but did not.
I entered a decades-long downward spiral of self-indulgence. I was responsible to no one, except that monkey. But, I finally resolved to get better. I quit drinking with help from A.A. I consequently lost weight, got healthier and re-established a relationship with my higher power and with people. But A.A. is a selfish program. It is all about the Self--self curing, self betterment. You’re the one with the problem, address it!
As my new life emerged, I became more self-absorbed. I began doing things I liked and could now do them much better. The numbness I’d suffered for so long vanished and I developed an increased sensitivity to my emotions and drives. My persona and ego reemerged. I felt strong and confident. I took responsibility for my actions and thoughts. I became, what I believed was, an independent Human Being again.
The new found energy drove me to do and try tings, to get involved and participate. The spiritual growth I’d experienced brought me closer into harmony with my higher power. I had a responsibility to maintain that harmony. A clear head opened my eyes to the responsibility I had to others who’d suffered with me.
I went to a meeting the day after New Year’s Day. When I looked around at the faces of all those who were independent human beings again, just like me, as I felt for them as I would for my sisters and brothers, I realized that I felt an obligation to them. I felt responsible to them. My resolve to not make a resolution faded. There is the Great Spirit, and are many people I feel responsible to.
I broke my resolution and made a resolution to try: to maintain my serenity and accept the things I cannot change; to summon the courage to change the things that I can; and to seek wisdom so I can know the difference.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Resolutely you are becoming wiser by the minute. God bless.thanks, Jesus. Hey, Jesus spoke to me again
You are a wise man and could not have summed up better. Something tells me you are living by your last paragraph already and are reinforcing it with perhaps one of our more eloquently written resolutions.thanks for reading and commenting. I'm getting a little burned out on writing daily. This was just to get an assignment done, and not my best. We'll see if I take a vacation and consolidate. I'm obligated to my group as leader, tough...and I'm working on more Garbo ones.I really like this article. About getting a little burned out - I understand that one. I'm impressed with how well you're doing with your writing and that of your team. You take a deep breath and regroup. Then you'll be good to go.tks
Hi Jack,
Boy did you say a lot in this post. I think that you are addressing one of those existential life issues. How do I be an independent me which includes my wants, needs and desires without becoming totally self-absorbed? At the same time (or at some point), I must learn how to become interdependent and think of others which includes being dependable/responsible/accountable.
I think these are daunting developmental tasks for all of us on our individual spiritual journeys. I love that you wrote this and are struggling with such basic, human dilemmas. It makes me feel less alone.
Another friend of Bill's. Dawn. http://thefaceswelive.com
Thanks for reading and commenting. We press on.
You mentioned a great word: "serenity" now that's what I am shooting for. Thanks for your honest and candid article. AMEN.As always, thanks for reading and commenting- kind of a throw away article to meet the assignment for group, though--not real proud of it.Liberate yourself from the need to be "proud of it". I never know what's going to work. Some stuff, I am surprised at when I look at all the work it took. Then my most acclaim, which I got recently took about 15 minutes. I wasn't that proud of it, but it made me happy. You are one talented hard working guy.thanks
Sometimes what we think is the least, becomes the most. I like this article well.
Eventually we discover that it is ourselves that we must and do motivate, please and succor.
We are taught as children that it is wrong to be self-absorbed- that we should always think first of others, but soon realize that unless we cultivate our own selves first, we are not able to cultivate others. Looking forward to your Garbo articles. Thanks Jack- Always- EllaThere are 7 Garbo ones posted. I'll get to more soon- they take work.
Thanks for readign and commenting
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